Sunday, April 28, 2013

Hijrah to be a better muslimah, in shaa Allah

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim... In the name of Allah, the most gracious... Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh.... I haven't write for sooooo damn long.... yeah, i admit that i occupied myself too much...until to the extend of not having enough time to update my blog.... I love writing...and I would like to continue write things in here. Writing is one of my way to convey my feelings...I do not want to offend others and i do not want to get criticize as well... I started wearing niqab on and off since june 2012.... but on 1st February 2013....on my father's birthday, i decided to permanently wear niqab on my personal time....what i mean by personal because I will wear it when Im not in campus (because university does not allow me to wear it inside our campus compound)... I will not wear it when I wanna eat and work. I will just wear it outside these 3 places.... During my personal time. It did bring peacefulness in me and Im glad that I wear it on my own accord....to train myself to become a better person...im trying my best to be a better muslimah.... my mum told me today that my late uncle always use this phrase to avoid him from being lazy "A lazy's person's employer is syaitan" I fall inlove with that phrase instantly...since Im so damn lazy but i do not want to syaitan as my employer, I must make a change that will force me out of my lazy zone in shaa Allah with Allah's will.... I learnt lots of new things during the time that i did not write here... I stopped not because i was heart broken at that time but its because i made myself damn buzy to avoid being sad and to avoid blaming myself for my failure... Alhamdulillah, Allah granted my wish... i am completely recovered, in shaa Allah.... so many colourful and wonderful people appear in my life. I couldn't thank them enough but only Allah knows how grateful I am for encountering them and become friends with them. In my hijrah route...it is not as simple as i thought it will be.... many people misinterprated my hijrah... Some of them accused me of following the wrong path.... they shoot my mother with bullets of questions and accusation of my changes. They assumed that I followed al-arqam, and there was a time when they said that I fooled my mum using my appearance...that i did a bad thing but hide it with my niqab....nauzubillahiminzaliq.... i feel sympathy towards my mum...they should ask me straight on my face...not attacking my mum like that... if they ask me, i will answer with a smile :) There was one time i went to my friend's wedding alone. I arrived late and when i arrived, she doesn't even know that it was me. She just noticed that it was me the moment she hear my voice. She bring me to her mum that I know since we were staying at the hostel and i knew that her mother was kind of Islamic person but sadly... Im kind of dissappointed the moment she flipped my niqab to see my face without asking my permission... it was rude...and i felt like crying and i wanted to convey my concern...but i endured it. it was all because i still respect her as an elder and my friend's mother. Maybe people will think that it is not even possible that by wearing niqab give benefit to me. Indeed it does. Whenever I wear it, i feel secure and wrap up in my world my Allah as my protector. I used to have a low self control but Im more aware of my behaviour when im wearing it. Niqab help me to compose myself. I did changed in terms of my outer clothes as well. At first, my mum does not agree on my decision. she said "u r still young, young people need to dress up...u still haven't married and im afraid by wearing niqab, people will not look at u and u will have trouble on finding your future husband" But I know that Allah already written down that everyone have their own mates...If he cannot find me here in this world, in shaa Allah, we will meet in Jannatullah...amiin.... Believe in Allah :)im full of lacking... but i know Allah is always there with me...in shaa Allah....

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