Monday, February 15, 2016

2016 New Resolution

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... Went to meet my family's neighbour who used to lived beside my grandfather's house more than 30 years ago. Actually it was my second time there...I first came 9 or 10 years back when I was young and just kidding. I am still young, at heart. I know how my mum treasure that grandmother and how I feel like we are family with no blood relation, so closed and even closer than a real family can be. Strange and weird but it is true. That was and still is how I feel towards that family. The grandmother shed tears many times throughout our 3 hours plus visit. I feel that it was too short yet meaningful visit. The grandmother was so warm towards me and even asked a standard question "dah ada pakwe ke belum?" and when I said not yet, her response was so cute in a way I felt like i wanted to pinch her cheek. so cheeky yet warm when she said "Budak perempuan zaman sekarang ni tipulah kalau takde pakwe.Ni mesti sorok takmau tunjuk ni. cakap dengan embah betul2, kau tipu kan?" while I kneeled near her. I was taken aback because she asked and accused me in front of my mum, my granma and my aunt without hesitation. When she asked that, all of these eyes were fixed at me expecting me to say yes yet I know that I do not have any answer to that. I just answered "Dah tanya, orang jawab takde pastu tak caya pulak" while laughing softly and patting her leg. I learned these past few weeks that I need to wake up from any kind of expectation towards people.Some people said that I need to work on what I want. Like how I want to make my company goes forward and I work for it, it need to be applied into my other things I want as well which means if I want to be love, than work for it as well. Well, it easier to say than being done. I read somewhere, the girl was so afraid to move forward in love because she afraid that the guy will one day think that she will not be the one and abandon her. How can he be really sure that they can find happiness in each other but the guy said to find the answer they need to find it together. The courage that the guy had moved the girl's hesitation which is good for her at least but how can I work to find love when I know my flaws are as big as the Everest? wow~ 8,840m yo! Later in the evening I went to assist the NGO to provide food and other basic necessities to unfortunate people in KL. I finally found it. The channel where I want to pour my love to. I may not be fortunate when it comes to finding my soulmate but I can always help those unfortunate people. I just couldn't find the strength to work for finding love from the other gender but I surely can use it to good use by assisting people in need. I stopped wishing that I got to get married because I know the Everest height of flaws are too high to be taken care off or even adopt a baby because there are so many people against it. Hence I made up my mind on the new thing I went through yesterday. From my experienced yesterday, I wore a worn jeans, worn t-shirt, black tudung and sandals. I was on my way to my car which located in the service office building. While I was walking, this one guy on a bicycle asked me "Tak ambil nasi ke?" when he saw that I didnt brought the packages that was distributed to the homeless. I was shocked because he thought I am one of the homeless but my reply was "Oh, tak. saya tak ambil. saya tolong bagi saja". When I think back, he was homeless but he cared for other homeless as well. How nice of him. He asked my apology and tell me to be careful on my way to my car but I said it was ok and I continue walking. When I am half way down the path to go to my car, the security rudely shouted "Hey hey! Nak pergi mana!" the tone was not only rude but it shows no respect at all. I got the vibes of how a homeless or even beggars feel at that time but the homeless guy from earlier stopped his old bike and told the security that I am not homeless and I wanted to get to my car. Even a homeless know how to fend and respect for other people. That is what our people lack nowadays. Stand up for others in need without prejudice. That is what I want to work for now. To help changing our rotten and rusty mentality of our people. I FELT SMALL LAST NIGHT BUT I NOW KNOW WHAT MY NEW 2016 RESOLUTION WILL BE. STOP DREAMING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE (which is finding love and dream of marriage which is not suitable anymore for my age.yeah~ Im too old to start dreaming about finding love again) AND START WORKING ON THE THINGS I KNOW I COULD DO TO AT LEAST CHANGE A BIT OF THAT SMALL WORLD I WENT TO YESTERDAY. Nisi Dominus Frustra~

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